it loses its effectiveness (older kids get excited about going to their room)!.being put in time-out models power as the way to solve conflict.Kids who experience love withdrawal through the use of time-out and/or threats of abandonment (even for short periods) also typically have lower self-esteem, poorer emotional health, and are prone to increased challenging behaviour.Time-out leaves kids in greater emotional distress for longer periods than does smacking! The child who is repeatedly given time-out is far more likely to experience anxiety about love from parents.The parent may know when it will end but the very young child is totally dependent. Thus, time-out is more devastating emotionally than other punishment because time-out poses the ultimate threat of abandonment. Time-out may be worse than other punishments despite there being no physical threat (or even any material threat).Children will become highly compliant with a parent’s requests at the threat of love withdrawal.Children become distressed when their parents threaten to leave them, particularly when the threat is associated with a child’s challenging behaviour.Here’s a snapshot of what researchers have discovered about children who experience love withdrawal via the experience of time-out (forcible isolation/solitary confinement), courtesy of Alfie Kohn’s book, Unconditional Parenting: And parents spend even more time and effort trying to keep them in their naughty spot to enforce the time out! But most parents tell me they can never get it to “work”. Most parents have used, or tried to use, time-out with their kids with varying levels of success. Why Time-Out Belongs in the Naughty Corner In real terms, time out involves a person of higher power using that power to hand down a sentence of solitary confinement to an essentially powerless child. This forcible isolation is really a form of love withdrawal that tells a child that she isn’t acceptable to her parents when she behaves a certain way.
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